I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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