I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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