think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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