I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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