i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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