My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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