How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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