Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
