standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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