its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
