i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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