If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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