Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
