I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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