this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
