Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
