so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
