I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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