Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You were trust falling into bushes
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize