I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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