I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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