I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
