Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
