I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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