I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
