Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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