My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
