I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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