sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
