yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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