i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize