I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
