Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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