I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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