So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
