Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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