Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
