Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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