I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
