I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
