The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
