I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize