I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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