I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
