Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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