Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need water and some morals
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
