While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
