Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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