i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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