DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How does one acquire holy water?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
