She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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