im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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