Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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