At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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