I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize