i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
