It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
