You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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