your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
