I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
