I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
