tell your sister to shave her snatch
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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