The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
