He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Boobs speak an international language.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
