I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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