Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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