worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
