Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
