Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
