I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
