I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
