It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
