Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
