Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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