We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize