She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Welp...herpes.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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