I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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