when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
