Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize