Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize