Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
